I Never Saw It Coming

I’d been building a new relationship with this person for over two years now. We’d been working on it before that, but I really leaned in over the last couple of years. And this year, I went all in. I thought it was going well.

Looking back, there were signs. I let things slip by. But I had no way of seeing the truth. He tricked me, and I was blindsided. He was withholding all of the good stuff from me. Sure, I’d been winning, way more than I used to, and at way bigger stakes, so it was easy to deceive me. I let my guard down, and this guy?

He wasn’t just tricking me. He was a know-it-all. He thought he knew what was best for me and what wasn’t. He thought he could pick and choose which parts of the vision I should follow and which ones didn’t matter.

That guy was me.

The know-it-all in me thought he was protecting me. If I could just hold onto what felt safe, rational, and convenient, I wouldn’t have to face the parts of myself I didn’t want to see. But what he was really doing was keeping me small. He was keeping me comfortable.

But that comfort, that comfortable comfort that has been there for as long as I can remember, didn’t make sense. It didn’t fit. I’m not living a small life. I left that behind.

So comfort, the same comfort I have known for almost my entire life, was completely out of place.

And comfort was killing the person I was meant to become.

I was actively killing the person I was meant to become. It was all fun and games until my body rebelled. The tension, the anxiety, the exhaustion, the signs I couldn’t ignore and my body showed me exactly what I was doing to myself

The Lie of Resolutions

Resolutions are comforting. They make us feel like we’re doing the work without asking us to go anywhere near the truth. They give us the illusion of progress while the parts of us that need real change, the fear, the avoidance, the lies we tell ourselves, stay buried.

I know because I lived it. I did the gym streaks, the sugar cuts, the dry months. I chased “better,” but I never became better. Because better doesn’t live in doing more or less. It lives in being honest about who you are and who you’re becoming.

This Year, I’m Done Holding Back

If I had to give 2024 a theme, it would be this: Calling for help.

Even typing those words makes me quiver. I feel weaker just by expressing them. But it’s true. In 2024, I called people for help, not just one or two people, but in every aspect of my life.

If I were pushed to stick with a “traditional” New Year’s resolution for 2025, I’d say this - I'll ask for help when I need it. But I’m not leaving it at that. I’ve enlisted three people whose sole job is to keep me honest. Their role is simple:

• To say, “I think you’re holding yourself back here.”
• Not to fix it.
• Not to have long, wandering conversations to figure it out with me.
• Just to hold up the mirror when I need it.

Your Turn

If you’ve been holding back, you already know it. You don’t need another resolution to distract you. You don’t need another surface-level fix to make you feel like you’re doing something.

You need to stop lying to yourself.

Where are you hiding? What’s the thing you say you want but never seem to take action on?

If you tell me the one thing you want to be, to have, or to be doing, but haven’t done it, I’ll show you why it hasn’t happened yet. And here’s the part that might sting, It’s not because life got in the way. It’s not because you didn’t have the right tools or opportunities.

It’s because of you.

That sounds harsh, doesn’t it? But let’s be honest, you know I’m right. The thing you want most isn’t waiting on someone else to give it to you. It’s waiting on you to stop making excuses, stop tiptoeing around the hard parts, and stop holding yourself back.

This isn’t about doing it wrong or doing it right. This is about not doing it at all.

I’ve been there. I’ve stood exactly where you are now, convincing myself that I was doing enough. Telling myself that the little steps I was taking were progress, when really, I was avoiding the work that mattered most. I was lying to myself about what it would take to become the person I said I wanted to be.

But you don’t have to stay here.

The mirror is already there, waiting. You’ve been avoiding it, glancing past it, convincing yourself it’s not time yet.

The path forward isn’t easy, but it’s clear. It starts with the truth. It starts with asking yourself the questions you’ve been avoiding:

• What am I afraid of losing if I stop holding back?
• What would it feel like to stop hiding from myself?
• What’s the first step I can take today to become the person I know I’m meant to be?

Change isn’t supposed to feel safe. It’s supposed to feel like standing on the edge of who you’ve been and stepping into who you’re becoming. It’s supposed to scare you, because the person you’re becoming is bigger than the life you’re living now.

This year, I’m done holding back. I’m stepping forward, fully and unapologetically. If you’re ready to stop holding yourself back, to stop hiding from the truth of who you are, then meet me here. On the edge. Let’s see what happens when we stop running from who we’re meant to be.