Look at Yourself Right Now

For most of my life, I’ve been caught between looking forward and looking back, rarely pausing to see the present moment for what it truly is. I’ve written letters to my younger self, offering the kind of reassurance and understanding I could have used in those tough years. When I look back, I see the weight I carried since fifth grade - aimless, reckless, battling with hopelessness and the fear that there was no real purpose in it all.

There were years I nearly lost myself, years I pushed the limits of recklessness, walking a line that could have cost me my life. I didn’t see myself; I barely saw the world around me. In my letters to that younger self, I offer sympathy, an apology, and a reminder that I made it through. I tell that version of myself that the aimlessness, the feeling of never fitting in, and the darkness didn’t last forever. But now, I see that there’s more to it than just looking back.

Recently, in the middle of the Costa Rican jungle, I was invited to do something I hadn’t really done before: to “look at myself right now.” Not in the past or in the future, but in this very moment.

The invitation came at a time when I was feeling especially vulnerable. I’d gone through a challenging, intense journey and was sharing it with one of the guides who came to support me. She was gentle, careful with her questions, and at one point, I told her, “Don’t hold back. Be direct.” I needed honesty. I wanted to face whatever was coming.

She paused, took my words to heart, and said, “Look at yourself right now. Tell me what you see.”

The words hit with surprising force. I was sitting there, body curled up, guarded, still holding onto the weight of all those years, the insecurities, the expectations, the lingering self-doubt.

“Look at yourself right now.”

There was so much packed into that single sentence. I saw myself as I was in that moment—no past, no future, just the now. I saw all of me. The kid who felt lost. The man who questioned his own worth. The strength I’d hidden for so long, torn between pride and shame. I’d spent years masking my strength, trying to walk the line between appearing dangerous and feeling ashamed for being so. I realized I had been denying my power out of fear that it would make others uncomfortable or, even worse, that it would make me unworthy.

But here, in this moment, I saw that strength for what it truly is. Not something to fear or to hide, but to accept.

The Struggle to Be Seen

I had spent so much time controlling how others saw me, and yet I was rarely able to truly see myself. I wanted people to know that I was strong, yet I felt ashamed of that same strength. I was afraid that if they saw it, they would see me as dangerous or unapproachable. But hiding that strength also meant hiding who I was. That moment, being asked to look at myself, stripped away all the layers I’d used to protect myself.

I saw the reality of my body, my resilience, and my willpower. I felt the courage it took to face myself without judgment, to see not just my potential but my limitations and wounds. I felt the pride of my journey, of the battles I’d fought, and the strength I had built. There was no need to prove anything, to appear any certain way. The only requirement was to be present, to let myself truly see and be seen, just as I was.

The Power of Now

“Look at yourself right now” isn’t just about pausing to take in the moment. It’s about being an observer of your own life as it is. It’s about acknowledging where you are without the distractions of where you were or where you think you’re headed. It’s the universal call to come back to center, to be a witness to yourself without judgment, without editing, without needing to be anything more or less.

For anyone who’s struggled with self-worth, body image, or identity, I’d like to invite you to try it: look at yourself right now. Not just a passing glance, but a real look. What do you see? What have you been hiding? What strength are you denying yourself?

In that jungle, in the middle of the struggle, I came face-to-face with my own strength. The words were a mirror, showing me the power I’d been afraid to fully own. Since then, I’ve carried that question with me. I don’t always have an answer, but I know that the courage to look is all I need to keep moving forward.

To the Future, with a New Perspective

The world has a way of pulling us forward or dragging us back, but the present is where all the power is. We all have stories, pasts, hopes for the future. But none of that means as much if we can’t see ourselves clearly, right here and right now. That’s what this journey to Costa Rica gave me, and it’s what I hope you find in your own life.

Look at yourself, right now. You might just find exactly what you’ve been searching for.