Doing Hard Shit

I've been through a lot in this life. I've withstood things that most people can't even begin to imagine. I’ve tried to live quietly, carrying a strength and a will to survive, tucked down deep under a level of shame. Shame that I even had to use it. Shame for knowing that I was capable of things that no boy, no man, should ever have to realize about himself.

I’ve constantly held myself back, placing myself beneath people and letting them rule over me, almost as a way to keep myself at bay. I’d stay indebted to people who kept me safe, safe from figuring out who I really am.

If you've never been through the kind of work it takes to face yourself and to heal, you have no idea how hard it is. It's not about talking things out and feeling better, and it sure as hell isn’t about popping a few pills to even out your mood.

Try lying down with an eye mask on a 2-inch mat, under the sky or on a floor, facing the depths of your fears. Try smelling the wet particle board where you hid from the abuse, crouched under the kitchen sink. Or writing “It was supposed to be safe here” over and over in your journal as you wrestle with the truth of what your childhood actually was.

I’ve faced criticism for my vulnerability. I’ve had people tell me I wasn’t putting off a “good image” because I dared to tell the truth, dared to do the hard work of facing what healing really costs.

Tearing down everything I spent my life building, after realizing it was all built to hide myself from myself, didn’t come easy. Facing the truth and walking away from the things I thought were supposed to define me wasn’t some smooth, easy transition. It was what a broken man like me had been so fortunate to "achieve." The irony is, I was fortunate only because I learned to let it go.

If any of this resonates with you, then you already know that the process of letting go is painful but essential. That’s what release is, allowing yourself to confront what no longer serves you and making space for something new to emerge.

In my latest blog, Release and Renewal: The Magic of Letting Go, I explore this in more depth. It’s about shedding what no longer fits, not just to survive, but to thrive. Read on to find out how stepping into the jungle, both literally and figuratively, has led me to clarity, renewal, and the kind of life I’d never even allowed myself to imagine.