Look at Yourself to See Yourself

Sometimes, it happens in the blink of an eye. As the Maestra began singing the icaro, the one for me, I felt myself pulled into a wave, and not just any wave, the wave. The one thing I’d hoped to avoid. It brought me face-to-face with the most complicated thing I’d been carrying for a lifetime: my mom.

As a kid, I learned to survive in ways no child should, in an environment where no one, not even her, came to help. And, for years, that deep-seated truth shaped everything about me. Growing up, it was just that a hard truth, not some question of worth but a reality that often felt inescapable. This journey, though, was all about escaping, about letting go.

I found myself sitting with the weight of feminine energy, feeling all the impacts and the ways I’d approached life because of it. I was hours deep. As a matter of fact so deep that I thought I might undo all of the healing from the past 9 months and thinking about how pissed my wife was going to be if I messed this up. When I finally relented and made that call for help, she appeared, a guide who looked like a cross between my wife, Ang, and my main support Anna, two of the people who’ve been my constants over the past nine months.

Both have pushed and pulled me through, encouraged me, urged me to slow down, and held up a mirror at times. And here she was, right there in the jungle, a literal embodiment of their energy. The floodgates opened with the simplest of asks, “Look at yourself…”

This week’s blog, “Look at Yourself,” goes into that journey, how one moment can lead to real growth, the kind of change that forces you to finally see and accept yourself.

Read the full blog HERE. 

Here’s to the moments that shape us, no matter how difficult they are to face.